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  • the book of meatabix.

    there needs to be a little steak "post icon." why is there no steak icon!

    I need to hold myself accountable, so I'm starting a journal.

    Let me see if I can do this succinctly and briefly (ha!)

    I'm 28, live in San Diego, and I work in the up and coming, action packed, high-revenue market of.....a state college library. I'm in the middle of a library/info science master's degree program and still work full time. Kind of having regrets about both (fat gobs of toxic stress!), but that's another post.

    I just read the book and have been eating primal for about a month. I'm also listening to a lot of Robb Wolf's paleo podcasts and about halfway through his book. I've been reading about food and fitness forever - I did Atkins at 15 after many years of being an inactive fat kid in Pittsburgh, but couldn't hang with Veggies Are Mostly Bad; then was college in California (...full blown barfing starving eating disorder. yes. barf. I'm just as revolted as you about this.) I found and began eating and living in manner very very close to primal/paleo with a hint of underfed, but it didn't have a catch phrase and the internets weren't so vast at that point (2002). I reached an awesome state of leanness but...since then that "real life" "grown up" "more dysfunctional relationship drama than you can shake a fish at" crap has gotten in the way for a few years.

    I tried to go vegan at one point, I don't remember. I was drunk? It went against everything I had ever learned about food! ("But bix, the animals!") It ended badly after two years - either lupus or rheumatoid arthritis or just plain severe gluten intolerance - all my HMO doc was willing to do was write an rx for vicodin and tell me to walk it off. My feet were so swollen that I could not walk. Unamused, I decided it must have been something about the veganism. A huge pile of books and over two years later I've de-evolved back into avoiding grains and sugar, gluten and soy, and have been consuming mass quantities of the best meat, fat, and veggies I can get my paws on.

    succinctly and briefly? not gonna happen!

    It has been reassuring but sad to read about other people who have suffered from weird autoimmune problems from vegetarian diets. I knew I never felt "right" eating tons of legumes and grains and soy (nor did I feel right that most of this stuff came in boxes and was grown in China) but the vegans; they will not be swayed and they will swear you are just doing it wrong. Somehow I started to think that I would not need to exercise: if I just ate in a morally superior way, I would have the brittle starved body of a peta model. (this is also probably related to the millions of brain cells that I lost as a vegan, and will probably never ever get back again).

    My biggest thing to tackle right now is to stop making excuses and LIFT!!!
    I do a lot of walking and bicycling, and occasional sprinting towards the bus I'm about to miss. I sit all day at work, but am on the top floor and try to use the restroom on the 1st floor and go up those dang stairs two at a time every chance I get. I have a whole arsenal of weights, but I'm quite admittedly just lazy. I've been lurking for about a month on here and cannot believe how awesome this community is, so it's time to put myself out here to be accountable and part of something bigger. I know I just need to get rolling with it for a good month or two, and then I won't be able to stop. I want to be that chick that nobody messes with and not the chubby librarian
    (oh, and, health, longevity, blah blah blah)

    meals, since starting to eat more animal foods and fats and delicious things, have been so great. I was vegan for a while and prior to that a little afraid of fat. it does not cease to amaze me when I sit down to eat my lunch and its satisfying and delicious, not a swampy pile of rancid-tasting vegetable mush. all of the recipes I've tried so far have floored both me and my boyfriend (ok, there was one spinach/chicken stock disaster, but that was my fault and not even a recipe) so no way, I've had no problem sticking to this stuff! It takes a little more time to get meals packed for work, but since there is nothing at work that doesn't have a buttload of hfcs or canola oil, taking 5 minutes to pack some leftovers is worth it. pork chops for breakfast tomorrow, it's like the night before christmas!
    Last edited by bix; 04-01-2011, 12:41 AM. Reason: intro post
    primal journal - the book of meatabix / food pr0n

  • #2
    Exactly. We have done the rice cake thing and there is no way we are ever going back.




    • #3
      thanks Robin! rice cakes, ugh. packing peanuts may be more satisfying!
      primal journal - the book of meatabix / food pr0n


      • #4
        I have this thing where I get away from the computer on the weekend if I can! Friday was basically a repeat of Thursday, but for dinner I made cauliflower rice with ground bison/avocado/marinara sauce. I thought it was great, boyfriend silently pleaded the fifth. It worked out fine, because I took his portion and added to the soup I made yesterday - caldo de pollo from everyday paleo. I am just going to eat everything on everyday paleo, I think. holy yum! I did add a jalapeno and lots of garlic, and some cilantro, and tomatillos insted of salsa verde. I have no children to try to appease (thank god!) just a boyfriend who will not eat anything unless it's spicy. Had I covered the caulilflower rice in garlic, we'd have been fine.

        Anyway, had more of that soup for dinner today. We walked about 6 miles today; lunch was mid-walk at a lebanese restaurant (meat, meat, meat, and salad, didn't touch the rice/hummus) and breakfast was leftover pork chop with an egg and veggies. Did not remember to take a breakfast pic until I'd plowed through the veggies, but I swear, they were there. Here is a graphical aid:

        Am still doing cheese, though it's a "cave-aged" grueyere from trader joe's. does it make it paleo if it's cave aged?? I kid, I kid.
        Had nuts and coconut flakes for snacks all weekend, with a bit of Lindt 90 and a bit of unsweetened baker's chocolate.

        Yesterday, boyfriend was working at the bicycle shop and wanted homemade cookies. Somewhere along the lines, I became the homemade cookie wench for the bike shop. I made a crap-ton of cookies and brought them in, didn't eat any, and he still has a ton of cookies in the fridge. It was raining most of the day so I didn't do my walk to the farmer's market and bicycle trip to Trader Joe's, but I did lift in the evening; 3 sets of 40# presses, rows, squats; tonight I played with the kettlebell, and lugged the groceries around Trader Joe's. I refuse to get a cart at the grocery store. It's a slippery slope to debt and obesity, I swear!
        Someday, I will write about my plight to try to lead my boyfriend into primal by example, but maybe not until I am actually successful. Certainly baking a ton of cookies did not help. Two different schools of thought - today the words "I'll try that yoga place with you with you if you go to crossfit with me" came out of my mouth, and he's always trying to convince me to buy a roadbike and all I want is a tractor tire & monkey bars for the back yard. And chickens. Someday. Probably not here.

        I had too much coffee today and am not at all tired at 11:45pm. I need to stop doing this on Sundays, but I also need to start getting my homework done on the weekend (or drop out?) 5:45 is fastly approaching and the homework is not started.
        primal journal - the book of meatabix / food pr0n


        • #5
          i'm going to chalk today up to a big fat SLEEP DEPRIVATION.
          i still have not perfected sleep. i do dream, which i hadn't done for a long time either due to the great fatal veganism, or the great post-veganism carb binge. i dream. it's weird. i dream i get up and clean the house, and am severely disappointed when the house is still a mess when i wake up. i dream i get fired, and am (well, honestly) disappointed when i'm still stuck in dream-crushy job.
          but this morning, on 3 hours of sleep, it was easy to get out of bed. i think this is why i stopped sleeping normal in the first place. it's very hard for me to get out of bed if i'm in a nice, resftul, dreamy sleep. 3 hours? i have hardly even laid down and probably did not really fall into more than a light nap, so screw it, up and into misery we go! i'm punished by my impenetrable gloom for the rest of the day.

          activity - hastily shuffled to bus, it was on a holiday schedule, got to work 30 minutes early and walked around some more. usual walks at breaks, stair hopping

          food - IF from 9:30pm - 12:30pm. as much as i do not want to admit it, i think my delicious chicken soup disagreed with my belly. it might have been the lebanese, too. but i am kind of paranoid about tomatoes, who knows. or the nuts. argh.
          coffee & half/half in the morning, the last bit of pork chop/veggies, a sausage link, and a chicken breast on lettuce.
          i intended to stay at school to do homework but was exhausted, grumpy, depressed, and the bus wasn't running as often so i just went home...
          ...and ate too many nuts and coconut flakes, plus some dark chocolate. dinner was more soup with avocado and the cave cheese, and a "cutie" tangerine for dessert. this is what happens when i don't sleep! the whole evening is a grazing session.
          all things considered, not a total loss and everything was primal.

          i'm not in a good place at work at all. it is really frustrating because this is a new job. this was a job i was really, really looking forward to and genuinely excited about, but had some gut feelings; turns out the gut feelings were kind of not lying, and there is some weirdness, but there was no NO way i was going to stay in my last job. i had a great bff at my last job, but we still keep in touch, but i do miss that. this job is just weird and stressful and all i can think about is how i cannot do this for the next several decades. my third real "adult" job but god, it's getting old very quickly and it's all just the same drama. part of me hopes everything just breaks and peak oil smashes everything and it all just ends.
          this is my brain on 3 hours of sleep!
          primal journal - the book of meatabix / food pr0n


          • #6
            Just popping in to say that Meatabix is a journal name of pure genius.


            • #7
              lol, thanks canio! if only cereal were made of meat
              primal journal - the book of meatabix / food pr0n


              • #8
                today was ok.
                i recall going out on break in the sun and feeling 4252x better. other than that? it's only tuesday and i have a lot of homework to finish, and it's 10:44. have been trying to do some math in my head of how much this degree is going to cost me, how much i will ultimately make, and if that is worth it. or should i just find a job that makes whatever i will be making while paying off this s#!t ton of loan. i want to love this, but i cannot change the system that does not love libraries. in another profession, i could help things that do want to change and adapt
                hey, this has nothing to do with food!!

                right! starting over.
                IF 10pm - 12pm (well, coffee & half & half)
                lunch was a can of salmon with mayo, mustard; a clementine; some turkey jerky
                snack was 2 meatballs (these were from trader joes and have a bit of wheat and soy in them, but i'm not at a financial point where i can just toss freezer goods and buy new ones just for filler is still not a blueberry muffin/granola bar/sugar cookie, so in that respect, improvement over how i used to snack.)
                dinner! broccoli and cauliflower, plus the 2nd appearance of the meatza! made it with ground turkey, proscuitto, olives, wild mushrooms, onions, asiago & mozzarella. and this will be breakfast tomorrow too. so wonderful. the cheese is making me feel congested, pretty sure.
                snack2: baking chocolate, 3 unsweetened dried cherries, and.............pork rinds. which brings me to this: i am getting a reputation at the store up the street as that-girl-who-buys-a-bag-of-meat-and-veggies. and today: pork rinds. i feel obese. i am trying not to let myself feel anything other than "doing the best i can." and 'just keep swimmin.'

                activity: 40# of dumbbell- overhead presses, rows, squats, deadlifts, 3 sets 5-8 each. 3 sets of 10 burpees/10 table pushups. walked my usual bus/breaks/lunch/bus; also walked to the store (1.5 miles round trip) did some cleaning.
                when i used to lift almost daily, long long ago, i used to just be very motivated to clean the house between sets. that feeling is coming back. i'm sure my boyfriend is thrilled, cause i'm a slob (outside of the kitchen), and he is not (except in the kitchen), and anything that will get me to clean is great for both of us.

                there just is not enough time in the day.

                mind: i am trying that "just keep going it will be ok" trick. but i'm not in a great place, and i'm very unsure of...everything? progress will only come from discomfort and uncertainty, i know this.
                "fail better."
                primal journal - the book of meatabix / food pr0n


                • #9

                  I am in the midst of trying to finish up some overdue homework, (well, not overdue yet) but I want to get started on this blog entry so I don't go to bed without finishing it. Priorities? whats those? :P
                  Annd..done! three minutes before midnight.


                  I really really severely need to control the binging and the side of my brain that convinces me I can outsmart overeating. I can't outsmart it. If I overeat, I do not lose weight. REALLY, bix. That is how it is, that is how it always has been. I had an idea this morning (I think during our big somewhat boring dept meeting) that I should draw my food intake. In addition to or isntead of counting. I have a good 30 seconds (I timed it!) between saving each file I apply metadata to, 30 seconds of doodles x50 avg per day does add up. I'm having fun with it so far; it might get to the point where I just draw dinner, because stuff-I-take-to-work is usually mostly the same. Night is the problem.

                  Activity - brisk walking, usual ~hour plus another hour/3 miles to/from the farmer's market.

                  Right, on to the food.
                  Calories: 1426
                  carbs: 58
                  fat: 74
                  protein: 125
                  had some leftover meatza; made the meatza w/turkey and used some of the turkey to make snack meatballs too. dinner today was awesome, more on that further down. snack was 00% cocoa mass unsweetened chocolate discs from trader joe's (acquired taste but great with cherries and/or coconut)

                  and here is my little picture.

                  (the "trident" is 2 sticks, not 11! just keeping a tally though. another thing I need to drop entirely, and most days I don't have it, but some days its just a crutch. Crutches are fun. I plead the fifth.)

                  But Wait!
                  There's Moar!
                  Some more crap! Because typing these things into the abyss is kind of therapeutic, somehow.

                  I have a nut problem. I'm going to avoid nuts for a week. I should avoid dairy, but I don't have problems binging on it - its more like cheese sprinkled on dinner, cream in coffee, butter for cooking if we're out of bacon fat...its a condiment which I can handle right now. Handfuls of nuts, no.

                  I have been taking cod liver oil at lunch, I've also been eating salmon at lunch. Fish belches of doom.

                  Also. Got a container of "natural calm" because robb wolf keeps praising the s#$t out of it. I took some last night and it was very easy to wake up this morning. If this is what natural calm does, I'm sold. I have been having a terrible time in the morning since the new job, 2.5 hours earlier than the last job. I am crossing you, fingers, and I am counting on you, magical (berry) magnesium juice.

                  LASTLY. We picked up our CSA box today. I think this is our...5th box? we pay $25 every other week for a GINORMONGUS box of just-picked organic greens and root veggies and yum. It takes a lot of thinking out of dinner. Today, I knew I was going to make turbot from trader joe's...but with what?! with fresh fennel and kale and carrots and broccoli raab, that's what! Love. I'm totally in love with fennel. No idea if there is some toxin in it or antinutrient or anything, but I'm eating it regardless.
                  primal journal - the book of meatabix / food pr0n


                  • #10
                    I know what you mean about nuts. You get started but then they are like crack.

                    BTW I like your polar bear.


                    • #11

                      Yes, nuts are so crack-like! and so easy to overdo. I need to start buying them 10 at a time
                      The polar bear is actually Bjork. I can't remember when or where I found the pic, somewhere on the internet..but I cannot stop using it as my avatar.
                      Last edited by bix; 03-07-2011, 10:39 PM.
                      primal journal - the book of meatabix / food pr0n


                      • #12
                        Today was pretty good. Nothing special just thursday the terrible.
                        food was-
                        1488 calories; 65 carbs ; 69 grams of fat ; 138 protein. yesss to going over the min. for the gram-per-bodyweight for protein. I've been stuck on fat for a long time, cause, well, it's delicious, dammit. I don't want to have to count like this forever but honestly it's all I know to keep me from binging. And maybe the drawing. It's totally more of a brain thing, because for the meatballs I ate as a snack and the leftover meatza for dinner...I have no idea how many calories are in those. But I guess I'm close.
                        (eff off, leftover eating disorder, just die)

                        activity - lots of walking, to bus stop, around work, from bus stop. not much else!

                        Here is my little doodle for the day.

                        I forgot to write 12pm for the end of the IF. not too bad!

                        Went to the best-bakery-ever-coffeeshop with my boyfriend to do homework. Since the advent of The Dread That Is Grad School, it has been fairly common for me to eat a cookie as big as my head AND a latte. after dinner. ugh! I have been really good about the sweets since Christmas, because I really overdid it on Christmas (as usual). Tonight I just had two herbal teas. herbal teas! life in the fast lane! *dances on table*
                        primal journal - the book of meatabix / food pr0n


                        • #13
                          over on calories but still primal. I did have some walnuts today. I generally get too busy with cleaning, homework, stuff...on the weekend to count. i know counting isn't the best, most sane thing to do but, well, again, it's what i know. sometimes i'm positive that not counting on the weekend is all that's keeping me from progressing. or.

                          i am thinking of doing the whole 30 in march, or at some point ...
                          ... i'm in a really good relationship but he's not interested in any of this. and we live together. he does not read, and he is an endurance cyclist, and he is basically married to beer. since it's been raining (and since a lot of other excuses/reasons) he hasn't been riding at all but continues the carb-crap diet. i'm trying not to bombard him with information unless he specifically asks me about something, but even then it's hard to explain this entire framework that i've been reading about for almost two years. love him, but i can't change him, and nothing i say can convince him to do anything -- in my experience pressuring someone into change or even coming off as slightly nagging are counterproductive and have the opposite effect. so i cook us dinner, and he eats it, with beer, with snacks - and the cookies from last week, etc. we go out to eat a lot.

                          what i'm trying to get around to is...i can do the whole 30 but it's going to be difficult. but it's also going to be only 30 days and i think it will help me to get out of a lot of little crutches - cream in my coffee, too much coffee, cheese for the sake of cheese...and just grazing too much overall.
                          i've been difficult things before but avoiding bad foods is not one of them. avoiding bad foods is something i was really good at for a really long time - but habits and happiness and not standing firm on principles are easier right now.

                          there, head, i think i just showed you!!
                          whole 30 in march. i am writing it here, and i will do it, support network be damned.

                          for dinner tonight i made another everydaypaleo recipe - beef stew, with CSA box carrots and celery and i added some fennel because we cannot get enough of the fennel. i almost want a csa box full of nothing but fennel and kale. for breakfast today i had 2 pieces of bacon, 2 eggs, and kale. snacked on the walnuts, and some coconut, cocoa mass, and very few dried cherries.

                          that is all, and i should be sleeping, but i drank too much coffee
                          primal journal - the book of meatabix / food pr0n


                          • #14
                            Oh, god, your illustration of you day is FANTASTIC. I like the happy little face on the fish. and on the meatballs? Well done indeed!

                            (also: I'm doing the Whole 30 in March--with butter, though.)
                            Life consists with wildness. The most alive is the wildest. (Thoreau)


                            • #15
                              yes, all food needs faces! lol
                              I haven't done any drawings all weekend because I suck, but I'll do some this week.

                              .....and the whole30.
                              I'm going to commit to it, starting March 1.

                              I need to.

                              random vomiting of stream of consciousness follows:

                              I'm still working on my exact plan, today was a total bust for all things primal, pretty much. I'm 99% sure this was due to too little sleep, and that was due to too much coffee - so maybe one of my huge goals for the whole30 is to cut the fricken coffee! or at least cut back on it. It is mostly a vehicle for cream and stevia. I am pretty sure hot tea in the morning will get me to the bus stop just as well as coffee will, anyway. the reliance on coffee is psychological and due to poor time management/too little sleep, which I'm also going to work on.

                              Otherwise I'm doing the plan outlined on the whole30 site. I'm also going to cut nuts and coconut, because I overdo them. And although I have chocolate that is nothing but cocoa mass, that is also a no....because i overdo it! I'll write more tomorrow after I figure everything out. I ahve some other things I'd like to really focus on this month; I have a horrible all or nothing mentality and I think cleaning up my food and really taking it seriously will help me clean up all of the other loose ends I have right now.

                              diary for today
                              food: 2 eggs and some turkey meatballs for breakfast
                              walked around for a little while
                              and then we ate tacos for dinner. handmade corn tortillas and no cheese, and this is a little place that fries everything in lard still. as a "screw it all, i'm doing the whole30 in two days!" splurge, it wasn't the worst thing i could do
                              - but - then I had a latte and a cookie. i am not going to lie i thoroughly enjoyed everything except breakfast, and i'm certainly awake and in a better mood now. but i will feel like crap tomorrow morning. and i will be very ready to get the whole30 rolling on tuesday.

                              my brain was being a spoiled 3-year-old for most of the day. hi, sleep-deprived.
                              primal journal - the book of meatabix / food pr0n