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Henbane's Journey

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  • Henbane's Journey

    I'm doing this journal as a place primarily for accountability. I don't know if anyone will read it, except me, but I need a place to put brain stuff, and to look back on.

    So, I've been gradually becoming more Primal over the last 2 months or so. I'm not 100%, but I'm trying to get more so every week.


    To lose weight.
    I'm currently 237 pounds. My starting weight was 255 pounds.

    To stabilise my mood.
    I have anxiety and depression problems. I've had all sorts of natty mental health diagnoses applied to me, from Bipolar Disorder to Generalised Anxiety Disorder, with a few Personality Disorders chucked in for good measure. I'm not sure if I have any of those, or the other possibility, which is Asperger's Syndrome. But I have a lot of problems with fear and depression.

    To manage/reverse PCOS
    I have all kinds of PCOS related issues. The most troublesome ones are unwanted hair, being overweight and having difficulty losing it, irregular cycles/ovulation problems, some acne... etc. etc.

    Which leads to... Infertility.
    So, I'm nearly 39 years old. I was diagnosed with PCOS about 4 years ago, but kind of ignored it, as I was going through a divorce, and just basically gave up on having kids or happiness generally. But now, I'm trying again. It's been a challenge to get where I am right now, but I've managed to go from having no periods for about a year or more, to having a pretty much regular cycle, if a bit long. I've done this through using herbs, supplements, and now diet changes. Also, I've been prescription med free for a year now, and I definitely attribute the worsening of my PCOS symptoms to a couple of those meds, namely Depakote and Seroquel, both of which have been linked to causing diabetes, and made me gain a lot of weight.
    Anyway, I know my weight isn't in my favour still, but I feel I'm running out of time, so I'm trying to balance weight loss with preparing my body for conception. I have hope. I actually ovulated this month, which is a pretty radical deal for me.

    So. I've read Mark's book, lots of articles and success stories, and a few other journals on this website. And I have a plan. I'm hoping I've worked this out right.

    My weight is 236 pounds, I'm 5 8, and I'm fairly active, doing farm work 3 days a week at the moment. I'm not a great exerciser though. But the farm work is quite hefty. Chucking bales of hay and straw around, digging and weeding, mucking out stables, shifting piles of poo, and walking lots.

    Anyway, I've worked out my BMR as 1831 calories, and my daily calorie needs as 2517. Which seems a little high to me to be honest. But ok. I used to be slim at 140 pounds, and I do have a large frame (not deluding myself, honest guv!). So, I'd like to lose 2 pounds a week, so I'm aiming for a calorie deficit of 1000, leaving me 1500 calories. Righto. I'm not great at maths... but

    Protein 98g - 400 cals
    Carbs - 75g - 300 cals
    Fat - 85g - 800 cals

    ... seems to add up to me. Does it add up to you?

    I have to be honest, but I've been aiming for less than this until today. More like 1100-1200 a day, under 100 carbs, but lower fat. I've plateaued for the last couple of weeks though, and I wondered if I was eating too little, so I checked the PB again, and worked out something a bit more meaty. I'll see how it goes.

    So, I'm now eating meat, fish, eggs, some cheese and yoghurt, olive oil, butter, some nuts, some berries, and some dark chocolate. No grains, legumes, processed crap, sugars, etc. etc.

    I have to calorie count right now, I don't trust myself not to mess up if I don't. I'm using sparkpeople. I do have problems with emotional eating, so it's only by tracking that I'm keeping a close eye on my eating.

    Today, I've eaten natural yoghurt, strawberries/blackberries/blueberries, flaxseed, small amounts almonds and walnuts, small amount dark chocolate, 3 eggs, ham, spinach, rocket, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, red bell pepper, trout, aaand... some toasted coconut. Also olive oil and a bit of butter.

    Calories - 1463
    Fat - 90 - 54.5%
    Protein - 106 - 28.7%
    Carbs - 62 - 16.8%

    Does that sound reasonable? Will I lose weight? Hopefully. More importantly, will I feel healthier, more stable, and be able to conceive a wee bairn? We shall seee.