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Goin' there

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  • Goin' there

    I have been fiddeling with Primal for months, but now it is time to do some serious tracking. Why? Because I just went on a two-week camping trip full of PASTA and SANDWICHES and SMORES and BEER and I have both regained all the very little bit of weight I lost and feel disgusting. As in coldsore-bloated-hairfallingout-vitiligo-weakminded-depression disgusting.

    And also I am very bad at journaling. Don't like it. But on my 10-h drive home yesterday I came up with something that might keep me motivated better than writing down all I ate to then beat myself over the head with it. I will write down all the bad things I DIDN'T EAT. Yes. Not, obviously, all the snickers in the world, but the one I was staring at in the check-out line, the one I already felt in my hand and pictured the moment I would get rid of the kids so I could gobble it down. That one will be journaled, and then I can say, hello fabulous self, you saved yourself 5000 calories of crap over the last month, and well done.

    Basic Info on me: 38, 5'8, after-camping weight bloody well 155 lb, two preschoolers (count that as excercise if you will), STHP. History of light depression and CW eating, lbs have been creeping up over the last 8 years. I used to be a slim 140 and would like to get back there. However, more than anything I want to feel good again. Not like a greasy sod.

    I very much agree with not eating sugars and processed foods and legumes and instead eating grass fed meat, eggs, veggies, dairy and fruit. Lately I have become suspicious that either I have a small problem agreeing on weeding out all grain OR I am more wheat addicted than I'm aware of. I seem to keep sliding back on the baked stuff, justifying it with 'this little bit can not possibly be so very bad' or some mental version of it. It doesn't help that DH is very unsympathetic and constantly saying primal is BS. Well. You will helpfully point out that I am my own person and can do what I want, and so there! You are right and journaling will sort it all out. So here we go.

  • #2
    Comma, good luck. This would have to be one of the most exciting times in my life, as I am sure yours too. The changes are incredible and so worth all the effiort

    keep us posted on how you are getting on
    take care
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....


    • #3
      So today, on day 1 after disastrous camping trip, I dragged the kids to the store and bought all healthy things. And because in my recent-fast-food induced disgust I did so well on eating, I will do what I just said I wouldn't, and jot that down, too. Breakfast was LIVER WITH ONIONS! I love it. The family does not. So I waited until DH had left around 10 to avoid the commentary. Around noon I ate an apple the kids didn't want to finish. Around 2 pm I had a bowl of gardened tomatoes, 1/2 an aavocado, 1 egg with sea salt and dulse, some bits of potato with butter the kids left, a handful of sunflower seeds, 1 grape. What I didn't have: A LARGE HANDFUL OF GRAPES. Hmm. Nothing heroic, but something to list! Good. So that's....hang on...aaaah! only a measly 52 calories! Hm. But we must consider the insulin spike. No insulin spike besides of already lunch-induced raise. I'll take it.

      Also I took my supplements. Gingko and milk thistle for my vitiligo, and Biotin cause my hair is falling out now.

      Then I finished listening to my Wheat Belly Audiobook. Might be a great book, but nothing like hearing about Amylase and Amylopectin to fall asleep when camping. Better than Magnesium. Apropo magnesium, I bought a thing of Epsom salt and I am SO LOOKING FORWARD to a bath tonight! You who have been on extended camping trips will know what I mean!


      • #4
        Thanks Gwamma!

        Finished strong yesterday with a meat and veggie dinner, and a square of chcolate for dinner.

        Sooo, I was a busy little bee and kept a list of stuff I wanted to, but didn't eat yesterday. And mind you, this was a craving free day. List includes: grapes, clementines, a LOT of coconut flakes (would have been a midnight snack but passed up even though couldn't sleep), and a little bit of dark chocolate. Estimated savings: an astonishing 601 calories. In one day? S' not bad! Weight is down .2 lbs, and I'll happily take.

        YEah, sleep....must not watch the new episodes of Louis CK on Netflix, but go to bed earlier. Plan today: sleep by 11. Must get up around 7, so that seems like a good long sleep.


        • #5
          Oh, ugh ugh ugh! What did I do? I just got a huge watery blister under my eye! What is it with these random freak things?? Now I have a cold sore and an eye blister, and a squeezed pimple....I do not look good.

          On top I had too much fruit today. Way too much. Now I am bloated like 5 months pregnant. Or 6. I had breakfast (pork with tomato salad) too late. Then I started on an apple....followed by da grapes...a tangerine....all hell breaks loose...

          Mussels for lunch. Not enough, again, as the kids ate way more than I thought. So now they like mussels. I then had more grapes. Then salami and sunflower seeds. SO HUNGRY! I had a cup of tea with butter to get a handle on it, but it didn't help. Then for dinner, salmon and veggies with butter and more tomato salad (must finish tomatoes...) with avocado and sour cream...heaps and heaps.

          What I heroically didn't eat: a big bowl of greek yogurt with honey and granola, and a couple slices of rye bread with butter and salami.

          Then I went to the farmers market, and got all the meat sorted, but THEN the lady had forgotten the thingi for the credit cards, and I didn't have enough cash and so came away with only one measly soup bone. I think the baby needs bone broth. So do I. But I cannot function without liver for breakfast. I want liver.

          So, plan: no fruit tomorrow! And lots of salmon for breakfast. Maybe that blister under my eye will go away then.....ugh.


          • #6
            My undereye-blister has spread itself over night, now making an unattractive double-bag. Compensated with washing hair and putting on a new dress (blue, maxi, Hilfinger) that requires a STRAPLESS BRA. Then I made breakfast for the people that live with me, cleaned the kitchen and the living room and the playroom, and did the laundry. The 4 yo wants to vacuum all, which is excellent. So now all is better, and I will be beautiful again in no time. Also have to mow the lawn.

            I had a virtuous breakfast of salmon and veggies and bone broth. Took my supplements (if things go on like this I will probably break down crying). Now I have a little rest with my left-over coffee, then I will write 3 pages, then I will plan out food for next week so I will be prepared for farmer's market on weekend. HA! I am doing it!


            • #7
              ..had an apple and some grapes...HUNGRY! I must be going through sugar withdrawal. I actually feel a little sick from the stuff I ate (mainly eggs with nutbutter) and still want to eat more. Must be strong.


              • #8
                Hey Comma -- are you hungry, or do you "want" to eat more? There is a difference. You sound like me when I first went primal. Methinks you need to supplement with more fat. Are you familiar with coconut oil bars or macadamia nuts? Would that help? I find them very satisfying.

                I struggle with boredom eating at work, as quite honestly, my job is brainless. So I bring my food with me, and I know what I need for the day. Rather than stress myself over when I eat, I eat the food I need for the day, and once done, I can have steamed veggies and butter until I'm satiated, often as I want. I find it work. So perhaps you could do that -- set aside the food you are going to eat that day. NO ONE else can touch it. Any leftovers from the kids -- that goes for their snack. But maybe giving yourself the visual of what food is available for the day.

                Grapes are REALLY high in sugar, so I find them addictive. I don't buy them. I don't buy any fruit, except berries, frozen if necessary. I can eat the whole container in a sitting -- so be it. Then I make myself content with salad and protein if I get hungry again.

                I feel for your struggle. It sounds so familiar. Hang in there.
                The Sedition of Sisyphus: Go Find Another Rock

                Griff's Cholesterol Primer


                • #9
                  Comma, I'm having the same problem. Fourth day going no sugar, no grain. It's driving me crazy and I feel tired. Let's hope we this phase gets over soon.


                  • #10
                    Yes! Real hunger, the Carb-withdrawal-sort that simply doesn't go away because da body wants grains (or at least sugar) and not fat. I have been through this before.... Still, the first time coming off is waaaay worst, after that it is comparatively more of a hump.

                    That said, I did have some yogurt with oat granola yesterday. My resolve weakes a bit more every day. Must stay strong and remember McDo induced disgust. Did not have at least 1 slice of bread with salami.

                    Today I had zucchini with tahini, olives and an egg with dulse for breakfast. Not great, but it was that or Granola. Not enough to keep me in line through the day. Farmer's market is still a few days off, so I have to get the kids to the supermarket and get me some grtain-fed meat. Rrrraaawww! I want liver. I also have discovered a disturbing tendencies towards barely-done meat. Hm.

                    There's a frozen rabbit in my fridge for tonight. Not sure how to make it, so will buy crabmeat for sushi instead and think about the dead rabbit later


                    • #11
                      Sushi was very good (SushEZ- best device ever on Amazon), but I had a cup of PrinceofPeace Ginseng tea with dinner, which kept me up till midnight, and now I'm...not in a good mood. Must have more yummy Ginseng tea to keep awake. Honestly, sleep is the single most important part of paleo, sigh.

                      Also, the bunny is looming. Very scary, especially as emotionally loaded and neither kids nor husband can know or they will eat MAc and Cheese instead.

                      On the good side: Farmer's Market at last! Got liver (HA!), marrow bones, ground beef and chuck roast, as well as a bunch of veggies. So now have to buy some chicken breasts, eggs, and dairy once we run out. Nice.

                      The hunger is gone! No doubt the sushi rice took care of any carb cravings I might have had. But that's fine. I don't want to be anywhere NEAR ketosis. Actually to be deep IN ketosis would be fine, but to teeter on its depressive edge is not for me, and I'm too weak to get and/or stay in ketosis. And anyway, doesn't matter. Must put energies into rabbit prep.

                      Also must put energy into deciding whether or not to buy 50Shades of Grey. I hear it's juicy (v.good) but really poorly written (v.bad). Hm. Hmmmm.


                      • #12
                        Right, the basic plan is to heat the rabbit at 350 for 45 min, after having rubbed it with rosemary, olive oil, cumin, lemon, and sp. Doesn't sound appealing but I will have done it and it will not haunt my fridge any longer. Yes.

                        I just had some fruit and a big bowl of greek yogurt, fullfat no less, with lots of sunflower seeds and honey. Fruit and Dairy must go! They add too many calories and I am BLOATED and FARTY: yuck yuck yuck.

                        In better news, when I am not bloated I actually look quite nice these days, if a leeeettle swimringi around the middle. Paleo rocks! I now had TWO (yes!) people tell me I look like a Bond-girl in my Bikini. So must get rid of bloat in order to be perpetually Bond-y, with only problems being said swimring and admittetly ugly vitiligo on hands. But after all there is self tanner and could be worse. It is only cosmetic and no reason for hissi-fit. No. Hm.


                        • #13
                          Oh my God, that bunny was disgusting. The taste was okay- the kids who didn't know what it was and probably didn't care as aren't filthy hypocrits like their parents- ate a bunch, but dh and I were just staring at the matter and ended up tossing it. Then I tried to make bone broth, but ended up tossing that as well. Brrrr.

                          So. Bad mood advancing fast and furious, and have started using my progesteron-happy-cream that helped much last month. Must hope mood will improve and will not end up a crying mess. Also will not impose further diet restrictions just now, as can be lucky if I don't cave in to grains at the moment. Breakfast of sunflower seeds and cheese the best I could manage today....


                          • #14
                            Mood has improved after Happycream, hours of cleaning aka low level excercise and lots of Muse (not to mention steering clear of DH who himself is out of sorts because he always DOES that). All right then, all is well. Even avoided snacking! WOHOO! Had steak and raw veggies for lunch, apple for desert, and will have liver with onions for dinner while the other people will eat pizza. (Gadget girl here: if you haven't yet got the cast-iron pizza stone from Lodge Logics you are sadly behind). Honestly, I never thought I'd give up the pizza. But today: no problem! Don't even care. Two rubber stars for me.


                            • #15
                              So, today. Not good, not good. I think I didn't get enough calories yesterday, which means I cannot sleep at night. Broke down at 2 am and had yogurt with oat granola (soggy, not worth it) and honey and lots of cheese and sunflower seeds. Then asleep around 3, and up at 7. Not sleeping enough foretells overeating in my life, and unfortunatly I had to go shopping, and DH wanted Ice cream, and I got some, and then the kids wanted to eat some, and. then. I. had.three.scoops. DAMN IT! Also had lots more cheese. See? Dairy kills me.

                              In better news, breakfast was eggs and nitrate-free bacon, lunch was liver with onions, and I made paleo chocolate chili and mashed cauliflower for dinner. (the farm meat, btw, spilled blood so I HAD TO CLEAN THE ENTIRE FRIDGE at 8 am) Feel the urgent need to drink lots of alcohol now. I will have 1 small glass of red wine and then APPLY MY HAPPY CREAM, which I keep forgetting, and no wonder. Must get sleep right or nothing works.

                              Not sure there is anything I wanted and didn't have today. I kind of wanted an apple, but didn't have. But not really wanted very much, so probably shouldn't count. Feel like I should count a forth scoop of icecream, but won't because it seems both amoral and unethical to count that as a plus in today's dietary life.