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My Childs diet is stressing me out!!!

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  • My Childs diet is stressing me out!!!

    I was just reading on another thread that grandparents "get to spoil" our children... I totally understand this theory.

    HOWEVER, I would LOVE to hear anyone's ideas (people that HAVE CHILDREN and actually deal with this please), on getting the grandparents to understand they are physically damaging our children. That's not spoiling, and showing love... It's CRUEL!

    Long story short, I'm constantly abused by various family members that insist on bringing crap into our house. The eyes are rolled every time I read a label. They think they are being generous when they go grocery shopping and show up with CRAP. I have to make room for said crap... and then throw it out after they leave.

    I have already allowed my children to have cookies and ice cream. I caved during a weak moment and allowed my kids to taste sugar. It's a moment I will always remember, and always regret. For one of my twins it was pandora's box opened and scattered. The stress involved in getting him to eat ANYTHING that is good for him is over the top. He is often convinced to eat healthy food when he's virtually starving. And if you could observe his will power, you would understand. It's beyond natural. The grandparents FINALLY seemed to understand that IF the kids are going to eat "junk food"... it actually has to be FOOD! REAL ingredients. Not weird chemicals, and hydrogenated stuff... This is the less than happy medium I've come to...

    So, Imagine my surprise, when I had my SIL and MIL babysit so DH and I could out... the first time in almost a YEAR! And SIL posts really cute pictures of my kids on her FB page... and they are holding a bag of OREOS! Then pics of OREOS crumbs in their teeth all gooped up! They've had home made cookies, and bagged cookies that have FOOD ingredients. In 5 years, they have NEVER had an OREO! It's like they are playing top this every time they have the chance... I don't know why they just don't offer chocolate flavored plastic... It would probably be cheap, and my kids would probably eat it!

    The rage within my body is off the charts. DH is all "I'm sure they didn't let them eat the whole bag, or that many!"
    And I'm thinking... OMG! Does NO ONE understand? One of my twins is a pretty good eater. Lots of fruits and veges, and often turns down anything sugary. He doesn't crave it... and won't eat it "just because."... The other, has the most unnatural craving... he will drive you to the brink of insanity with his constant requests for crap. My day literally goes like this... "mommy can I... " "no..." . Could they not have just MADE some cookies??? Anything with real ingredients????

    I have to leave to take care of my mother for 5 days next week for a surg.... MIL is graciously coming down to care for our kids while DH works... and I'm afraid I will come home to some extra special Grandparent love that will 'cause me yet even more fights with my little 5 y/o that just doesn't get that he's not going to get crap as food!

    OK... rant over (for now...) Seriously, if you have any ideas that will work, and not cause a war within the family (although, I'm tempted) I'm all ears!

  • #2
    that sounds really stressful. I'd pull my hair out and shoot myself If I ever had to deal with all that. Raising kids sounds like the hardest job on the face of the earth. It's going to be hell keeping a kid away from sugar, it's just what they go to. I think if you have a kid that is a bad eater, you might have to fix healthy foods that are going to be easy for the kid to love. Like sweet potatoes. I hated them when I was little. I was made to eat a bite of them before I was allowed up from the table and I almost barfed. no cinnamon, no butter, nothing good... now I love them. Grandma is always there to give sweets, that's what grandmas do.. she will probably do it behind your back no matter how much you tell her not to.. I had plenty of oreos in my life and it didn't kill me, just let them be kids...

    I want to add that I do have a nephew and whenever he is with me, i'll try to fix him the most nutritious thing I can. I'll probably fix him up some of that primal banana ice cream !!!! A lot of what his tastes will be influenced by is your own cooking. At least that's what I think.
    Last edited by Little_Fish; 04-03-2010, 03:16 PM.
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    • #3
      I know this is not what you want to hear, but here it is anyway...

      I used to know a woman who had pretty much the same philosophy as you, with two toddlers, and any time those kids had the opportunity, they would binge on all the crap food that was forbidden to them at home. It was their way of rebelling and/or having control. This went on until they became teenagers.

      Unless you lock them in the closet for the next several years, there's no way you can have complete control over their diets; you just can't. You can persuade, educate, and lead by example, but you can't force compliance outside of the home. (Or outsiders inside your home when you're not there.)

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      • #4
        Blarg I'm probably permanently damaged from my childhood diet. My bones sure as hell could be thicker. Ah well at least I got it right by age 21.
        Stabbing conventional wisdom in its face.

        Anyone who wants to talk nutrition should PM me!

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        • #5
          dragonmamm... I get that TOTALLY, infact DH is the prime example of this. His mother regulated food in a freakish manner... one cookie ONLY, a "serving" of cereal at the age 16 for breakfast... a "serving" must be the intended amount to eat... not what the #'s are based on... imagine being a 16 y/o boy getting 1/4 cup of grapenuts for breakfast... he's pre-diabetic now, has had cancer, and is obese. All this the result of MIL's influence. Perhaps you can see my real concern. It's not like her kids are doing well... So, no they aren't SURVIVING WELL...

          And I DO let me kids have "junk food"... because I'm in total agreement with you. I don't want them gorging themselves when I'm not around... well because I'm not around. In fact, generally, especially the one that doesn't gravitate to sugar does quite well when handed treats. But I don't buy them poison... And I know they are going to get crap (hell, the public school system guarantees that)... Just horrified that people that supposedly LOVE them would do that... ESPECIALLY when one child in particular is having a really hard time reigning it in... I didn't say NO COOKIES... I said, NO NONE FOODS... That's shouldn't be hard. They could have had yummy choc. chip cookies... (and MIL likes to cook)... no, it's really more like, "I'm in charge, and will do as I please."
          Last edited by twinmama; 04-03-2010, 03:41 PM. Reason: adding a bit...

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          • #6
            There is a great philosophy that I live by, "pick your battles".

            I have a feeling that was my post that triggered this. In our case, the inlaws live 6 thousand kilometers away. When they visit, its a few times per year. So, I let them spoil the kids.

            My kids otherwise are really good eaters. They eat broccoli, fight over fish and haven't noticed the absence of breads, pastas or potatoes in their lives. It's not IN the house, so it's not noticed.

            I will not however ban them from hot dog days, or ice cream sandwich days at school. It IS all over, and while I've been teaching the girls about food, I don't want them to obsess about it, or rebel like DragonMamas friend. I figure if my girls get *good* food most of the time, then some junk once and a while won't kill them. Just like bad bacteria, we all need to be exposed to it to build immunity.

            Beyond that, maybe talk to them about the distinction between homemade cookies, vs "oreos", that you appreciate their desire to spoil them a bit, but you expect them to eat healthfully at least 80% of the time.
            SW: 235
            CW:220
            Rough start due to major carb WD.

            MWF: 1 hour run/walk, 1.5 hours in the gym - upper/lower and core
            Sat/Sun=Yard/house work, chasing kids, playing
            Family walk every night instead of everyone vegging in front of the TV
            Personal trainer to build muscle mass & to help meet goals

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            • #7
              I made the mistake of allowing my daughter to pretty much dictate what she ate through her life. If I made something for dinner she didn't like, she just ate cereal, macaroni and cheese, pizza, etc. I was lazy and gave in because it was easier.
              She still eats this way. She's tall and thin but only 18. I tell her that it wont always be easy to stay thin and just because she is thin now doesn't mean she is healthy.
              She sent me a text the other day: "Mom we need to go to the store"
              I wrote back: "There's bacon, eggs, roast beef, turkey, vegetables, 4 kinds of fruit, tilapia, chicken and even bread. So what kind of STORE do "we" need to go to?"
              I have basically refused to buy her junk food anymore. If she wants to buy hot pockets or microwave pizzas she can figure out how to pay for them herself.
              I think there is a happy medium between absolutely-off-limits and eat-whatever-you-want and I wish I had figured that out when she was young.
              My sister has 5 year old twin girls that eat more vegetables than I do and will try anything you put in front of them; but these are the same girls who turn their noses up to school food.
              Gotta' love 'em

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              • #8
                I agree....you can cause more damage by overcontrolling your kids' intakes than by being relaxed about food and just making sure YOU serve the right stuff in your own home.

                I'm divorced, and I have two sons. They alternated homes weekly between my home and my ex until they were 14 and both chose to live with me. My ex and his partner put my older son on a very strict, low-fat, low-calorie diet. He became a binge-eater, a secret eater, a hoarder of food. He was well on his way to having a severe eating disorder.

                When he came to live here full-time, I told him there was only rule: no sneaking, no hiding, no hoarding food. He could eat whatever he wanted whenever he wanted it----including the junk from the candy shop he bought with his allowance----but he had to eat it at the table out in the open. I promised that nobody would restrict him or scold him.

                It took about a year before I stopped finding candy and cookie wrappers hidden in his room. His weight stabilized, and now he doesn't binge, sneak, or hide food. He rarely buys junk.

                Sooze

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                • #9
                  Feeding children a poor diet is abusive, just as surely as if they were molesting them. (both lead to weight-gain, depression, suicidal tendencies, and stunted social interactions)

                  My grandparents did the same to me - nothing but simply carbs and frankenoils available. And they made sure to pick on me when I got fat, and for trying to get healthier. The result? I wasted 18 years being a fat sack of lethargy and depression.

                  Think about it, if they were beating or molesting your kids, what would you do? There would be no question. They're committing murder, albeit very slowly. Kick them the **** out of your house and don't let them near your kids until they abide by your rules.

                  edit: sorry this thread kind of opened old wounds for me, and I projected them onto the situation. Still stand by the general statement that it's not cool to get kids hooked on sweets.
                  Last edited by Chaohinon; 04-03-2010, 11:34 PM.
                  The whole concept of a macronutrient, like that of a calorie, is determining our language game in such a way that the conversation is not making sense." - Dr. Kurt Harris

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                  • #10
                    Sooze, I'm actually pretty much like you. I let me kids eat to their own hunger. And when I say that the one has to be starving to eat something good. That's only when he refuses to TASTE! I won't make 2nd dinners. And when we try something new, there is always a "safe" food to eat. I realize that kids' taste buds are different than adults, and something I like might really be yucky. And I won't make them force down food so they can eat desert.

                    The oreo situation is just an example... I'm so tired of having to explain that some foods are REALLY bad for bodies... and my PEDI is in TOTAL agreement. So, It's not like I'm trying to keep them from ever enjoying things that we've all had. But I see absolutely NO REASON for family to be the ones to introduce my kids to something that literally causes him to refuse other foods. It wasn't until the pictures were posted that asking for cookies the next day for breakfast made any sense. Mommy, I want a cookie... No a COOKIE... cookie...cookie...cookie...cookie... cookie... He refused breakfast... Ended up going to school and eating 6 slices of white bread. IF he knows or THINKS the cookie is around, he WILL NOT EAT anything else. I actually ended up taking the advise of a local nutritionist who recommends putting the cookie down with the rest of dinner, and let them eat that first if they have to. Which actually works. He'll eat the cookie, and THEN eat his dinner. And doesn't over stuff. I just REALLY don't need him to REQUIRE an oreo before he'll get to the good stuff... and what's funny, is the in laws made if very clear they disagree with this process... WHAT??? OMG... their way and he'll ONLY eat the cookie...

                    Actually, I'm realizing as I write this that I feel it's more of a form of defiance of the DIL... My grandmother used me to do this to my mom. She allowed me at age 4 to eat an ENTIRE bag of Hershy Kisses... (her right to spoil you know)... and then I threw up chocolate all night... Granted I skipped out on chocolate until I was about 12 years old...

                    Food is a legit battle in my house. My little guy ended up in ER (severe abdominal pain with a HIGH fever) with a toxic colon, high white counts, and such, requiring an overnight stay, an IV, CT, and blood tests... Scared me to death. He rang up a $20,000 bill before it was finally decided that he was REALLY REALLY constipated... Because, guess what... all he wants is crap... and he's really difficult to manage. I'm at the juncture, where I have to give him mac and cheese supplemented with brocolli and chicken... (that's the trade off, and he'll eat the chicken and the brocolli)... There is no reasoning with him. He also gets a dose of Miralax in a cup of ovalteen... (this is just so wrong...at least he DOES eat some good for you foods) And I've TRIED to force him to eat just the good stuff... It's ABSOLUTELY counter productive... So, I'm already making LOTS of exceptions...

                    Anyhow... thanks all for you input... you all make excellent points... I'll get over it... and I'll just keep praying that at some point he makes the right food choices at least 80% of the time!!

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                    • #11
                      Choahinon... that's a very sad situation. I'm sorry to hear of that!

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                      • #12
                        I educate my kids and help them learn to make the best choices for their bodies...and I do it in front of grandparents, friends, whomever. For example, we were at SeaWorld with two other families yesterday and we had this conversation:

                        My 4 year old daughter "Mama, Sean is eating french fries again and he had them for lunch."
                        Me "Yes, he is. His parents said that was ok for him."
                        Her "But it's not as healthy as my carrots."
                        Me "True... and maybe he'll choose something healthier to eat tomorrow. You did a great job choosing a healthy side for dinner. Good job!"

                        She had fries for lunch...no one's perfect. But she knows what's good for her and what's not. She knows that some things are ok to have on occasion but that other things are much better to have. She's a good little learner and excited to eat healthy!

                        Good luck and just keep at it...your kids will learn from you. They'll learn your stress too, so love, learn em, and hopefully they'll pick up on all your good habits!!!

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                        • #13
                          Thanks Anne... Yeah... I was really in a bad mood about it... I'm more calm now... my crazy lady rant helped... and I got some good ideas...

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                          • #14
                            yeah, If I had some childrens I wouldn't try and shelter them from the bad foods, I'd just lead by example and not cook or keep crap in my house. I wouldn't have stupid kids anyway and trying to have so much control and worry over your children's eating habits will drive you mad. Just trust that they are smart, like you!
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                            • #15
                              I totally get it... my daughter went through a phase like that too where she wouldn't try ANYTHING and she'd make herself throw up to not eat it. Very frustrating!! she also got constipated to the point where she was throwing up and had to go to the doc and get an IV for dehydration!!

                              I'm not sure what to suggest, but maybe get with your pediatrician and come up with a game plan for the inlaws. Say he can have some treats, but like 1 cookie, not 12. Come up with a reason they'll understand, a medical reason even, where if he has too much he could need to be hospitalized. Something that will allow them to "spoil" (i hate that term, honestly) the child, but not hurt his health.

                              Let them know that your pediatrician has told you that if your inlaws cannot follow these rules that they can't be around the kids because their health is in danger. Let them stew on that for a while...

                              Then... keep in mind that kids do change as they get older. My daughter grew out of it finally and would try new things (usually at someone else's house first, LOL), and what she would eat branched out a lot. I know how frustrating it is, but it does change eventually. And in the meantime I agree with no 2nd meals. If they don't want to eat what the family's eating, then tough. (especially if you're making sure there's one food they do eat in the mix). Kids need to learn that they cannot control their parents. Though some kids take a lot longer to give in, LOL. Usually the smart, independent ones (these traits will be great later on, once this period has passed!)

                              I used to do that with meals... especially with my son who would eat fast so he could get back to whatever he was doing, and then be hungry an hour later. Or he'd not want to eat, until 8:30 pm at bedtime. Too bad. They won't starve, and they start learning that you're not the short order cook always there to fix them stuff.

                              Anywhoo, just my smallish advice ... throwing it in the mix! LOL
                              sigpic "Boy I got vision and the rest of the world is wearing bifocals" - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

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