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  • Spouse support

    Has anyone out there encountered issues with starting PB without the support of your spouse? My wife isn't against it, but she doesn't want to participate. This makes it harder for me as I try to start the program. I read about PB almost a year ago and I've been trying to start it off and on ever since. How have those of you in this situation planned out your meals/snacks? Breakfast and Lunch aren't usually an issue, but dinner is (since we eat together). Save for making two separate dinners, I haven't yet figured out a solution. In addition, my wife is a dessert eater, and for most of my life I've never been much of one. But now, when she wants something for dessert, I usually feel obligated to partake. It's hard going grocery shopping too, as we end up spending more because I'm trying to shop PB and she's trying to shop "real" world. Anyways, I'm just frustrated, and it's made it hard to stay motivated. I really want to do PB, but I want to be all in!!

  • #2
    I think there needs to be a line drawn between participating and interfering. I've been living with my boyfriend for 2 years, and the last year was Primal. Though he doesn't eat that way himself, he doesn't bitch about dinner not having any biscuits or pasta or anything. On the other hand, if he wanted some, I don't really care.

    You don't usually have to make completely separate dinners unless she insists on fettucine alfredo every night, and then she can make it herself. We eat things like burger patties (he has it with a bun, I don't) or broccoli beef (sauces on the side, no rice for me), steak (which just is what it is) or chicken breasts with some different seasonings and veggies on the side (no biscuit or anything for me). It's not all that hard.

    It's really easy to say you're eating crap because your partner is. I've done it myself. But it's really your own damn fault.


    • #3
      I learned how to cook.
      No bullshit.
      I read the book (upon a recommendation from a friend) while I was away on a business trip. I jumped all in, quite literally, overnight. I came home and was all of a sudden a picky eater, I wouldn't eat anything my wife made because it was all processed CW food, so I started cooking my own food. I've never cooked before in my life. I didn't think it was fair to ask her to cook two separate meals, so I started doing my own, turns out, I actually enjoy cooking and started getting pretty good at it. I started kicking her out of the kitchen and doing all of the cooking myself. Almost a year later, i still do pretty much all of the cooking. She is still very much CW, but she's starting to come around. She mentioned wanting to read the book and do the primal diet, but we'll see. I've never pushed it on her, I've always figured she'd see my results and convert on her own eventually. She's getting there, but it takes time, sometimes, a lot of time.


      • #4
        I can be awkward and a little difficult, but can be made to work. My wife is not supportive of my diet but is prepared to work with me. She prepares no more than five meals a week (weekday dinners) for me. I take care of breakfast and lunch and weekend dinners. If it doesn't fit my diet, she'll primalise a serving for me. Eg she often makes quiche or spinach pie - I get a serve baked without crust while the rest of the family has theirs with crust.

        On the other hand, she's not gotten creative about it either. She rarely makes pasta anymore despite my urging her to do so, but serve the sauce for me over vegetables. But then she's not keen on cooking much anymore except for desserts so I take what I can get, so long as it is wheat and vegetable oil free.

        On the matter of desserts, you are kidding yourself that you have to share it with her. My family have dessert, I don't. Instead, I have a cheese plate and a glass of red
        Four years Primal with influences from Jaminet & Shanahan and a focus on being anti-inflammatory. Using Primal to treat CVD and prevent stents from blocking free of drugs.

        Eat creatures nose-to-tail (animal, fowl, fish, crustacea, molluscs), a large variety of vegetables (raw, cooked and fermented, including safe starches), dairy (cheese & yoghurt), occasional fruit, cocoa, turmeric & red wine


        • #5
          As KV8R says, 'volunteer to cook more meals.' I'm having the same problems, though all our food is prepared and cooked at home, my wife is a big fan of curries cooked with few vegetables, save potatoes and occasionally spinach and eaten with rotis/chapati. It's delicious food, but not quite what I'm needing. Though, I don't appear to have any problems with any of the foods I'd like to attempt the PB lifestyle to see what, if anything, I'm missing. The only solution, for now, is for me to cook more. And Ramadhan is coming; lots of soup and meat, and baked, deep fried, wheaty foods (samosas, spring rolls, pakoras, parathas) to avoid
          All the best!


          The quieter you become the more you're able to hear.

          Mawlana Jalaludin Rumi


          • #6
            My boyfriend is happy to be fed, otherwise he'd be eating nothing but bachelor food. He mostly makes breakfast but is good with eggs and bacon or sausage. We handle our own lunches and I make dinner or we 'graze'. The fact that I have food intolerances and can't eat a lot of non-primal foods may make him more compliant, but he doesn't mind. If he wants bread with his dinner he has bread. Tonight I made a big pot of beef stew from bone broth that had been cooking since yesterday. For veg I added parsnips (instead of potatoes), leeks and celery. He inhaled two big bowls of it quite happily. He had a stomach bug yesterday and didn't eat at all so I wanted to make something really nutrient dense. He doesn't have a problem with the fats, I've gotten him to switch to real butter, dump the vegetable oil and use lard instead, but he still has foods he wants.
            Buy house, Demolish house, Build house.


            • #7
              My SO is eating in a kind of half-assed Primal way, but still eats grains. He's cut back a lot and traded the morning oatmeal for eggs.
              I just finished Good Calories, Bad Calories and was trying to tell him about some of what I read and he has decided that I am getting nutty. He just can't believe that whole wheat isn't good for you, that the government would tell you to eat something that was bad for you. I said explain why the American people are getting fatter, and he said it's because they eat too much and don't exercise enough. Head, meet desk.
              "Wait! I'll fix it!"
              "Problems always disappear in the presence of a technician."
              "If you can't improvise, what are you doing out in the field?"


              • #8
                Originally posted by dannBarry
                I didn't think it was fair to ask her to cook two separate meals
                So don't ask her to do all of it. Find Primal recipes that you both like the sound of and that can be easily adjusted to include non-Primal sides (as RitaRose suggested) and try them together.

                My hubby is very into bodybuilding so has been eating low-carb for a while; I think it's actually easier for us to cook together since I went Primal, and I'm encouraging him to include more veggies rather than just live on eggs, bacon and cheese. He would be quite happy to eat the same meals week-in, week-out for the rest of his life - but I know that if I do that I will get bored, and if I'm bored with what I'm eating I'll stray back to non-Primal options just for some variety. The meal options you can create with Primal foods are pretty much endless, and I have actually enjoyed finding and trying out new recipes. I am more enthusiastic about cooking than I can remember being for a long time.

                The one trouble spot for us was that hubby has "carb up days" at the weekend where crisps (chips), bread, hash browns etc are all back on the menu. In my first couple of weeks I found it hard to see him eat those and not join in - but as Peril says I don't have to eat them just because he is! I wanted to try this lifestyle, I am going to be around people on a daily basis who don't eat Primal and have no intention of trying to, so expecting my husband to eat exactly the same foods as me just because I don't have the willpower to commit is unrealistic. Yes, it was harder at first but I can honestly say that I don't even want those foods now.
                Last edited by katiepotato; 07-09-2012, 02:42 AM. Reason: sp


                • #9
                  It's really not that hard to cater for two diets: our dinners generally consist of meat, vegetables, then I'll add some potato or rice on the side for him, extra fat (butter, salad dressing, etc) for me. No big deal! As for desserts... if he wants one, he has one. Why on earth should he feel guilty or excluded from doing so just because I choose not to?!

                  Rest assured I get my revenge for any perceived suffering (there really isn't any, but non-Primals insist on choosing to believe I somehow have more willpower than they do ) - up and at 'em, talking twenty to the dozen over morning coffee, while he's bleary-eyed and struggling towards consciousness!
                  Went primal for the weight loss, stayed for the quality of life!


                  • #10
                    It's not that hard- mine hated the meat smell at first. Now its very easy- He'll eat pork and bacon, plus fish.So much easier now- grill him fish, grill me meat, throw a potato in the oven for him.

                    And yeah, it is more expensive. Hard to fix that.

                    But just a few "keep the peace pointers":
                    Keep your mouth shut about what she is eating
                    If you want something else, make it yourself.
                    Offer to shop/buy the special foods you need
                    Why are you eating dessert if you don't want it? Would you eat a bowl of cereal to make her happy?
                    Try some new recipes and make her primal meals often. I made a kale salad and my SO raved. I made pull pork and he ate half of it. He eats bacon and eggs now (used to be vegetarian).

                    It's not like primal is soy raw veganism with weird foods. It's basically meat and veggies, with no starch/grains. Not that hard to add some of those for the non-primal eater.

                    Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!


                    • #11
                      I have type 2 diabetes and went low carb to improve my health in 2010 and Primal this year. My OH is not on board with the low carb, he wants his carbs. However, he was more than happy to go organic.

                      This means he eats organic Weetabix, organic pizza, organic beef lasagne and cottage pie ready meals when he wants them and though he's eating carbs, it's a reduced amount and he's not ingesting additives.

                      We eat breakfast and lunch separately Monday-Friday, dinners are always low carb. Sundays are often a roast and Saturday lunch is when he tends to want his own carbier organic stuff.


                      • #12
                        Lean meat, chicken or fish with a side of sweet potato or root veggies, green veggies, salad and how can anybody complain about that? That's what CW wants you to eat and it's pretty darn delicious. If there's a night for spaghetti or curry or whatever, pour your sauce over a sweet potato, zucchini noodles or riced cauliflower. Or heck, pour your sauce over a hamburger patty.
                        Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.


                        • #13
                          My family eats SAD, and I'm primal. So there's compromise. I made the taco bowl recipe that Mark posted here a couple of weeks ago, and my family ate the main dish but put theirs into prefabbed taco shells that I bought. End result was they loved what they ate and I loved what I ate. Once in a while, my family will try an entire dinner that's primal, but we usually compromise by having a primal main and various sides -- some primal, some SAD.
                          F, 44 years old, 111.8 lbs, 4 feet 11.5 inches (yes, that half inch matters!)

                          **1st place sparring, AAU TKD regional qualifier, 2/15/15 - It's damn good to hit like a girl!**

                          **First-ever 5K race 11/28/13: 37 minutes, 18+ seconds, no stopping**


                          • #14
                            One thing you can do is to make a big pot of something primal that can freeze easily. Not for this purpose, but I periodically make a triple batch of beanless chili and freeze it in individual portions for a quick dinner. If you have something like that on hand and your wife wants to make a recipe that really can't be primalized, you can just pop it in the microwave and you're ready to go, without having to make a big deal out of it.

                            Although hubby and I are both primal, we eat different desserts from each other every night. If you want to share in the ritual without eating the crap, just substitue in something yummy for yourself, like fruit and coconut milk, or almond butter and coconut oil, or an apple and some cheese. That way she's not eating by herself, but you're not eating unhealthy just to keep yourself from feeling bad.


                            • #15
                              I'm primal, hubby is not. I have the meat and extra salad. He has the meat and extra carbs. We don't usually have dessert, but if we do it is fruit and yoghurt. He's in the kitchen cooking steak at this moment! His will be with potato, mine won't. I'll have half a glass of red wine, he'll finish the bottle! Everyone is happy.
                              My photo diary of my primal diet on wordpress

                              My primal journal on MDA.