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  • Mr.Perfidy
    replied
    Ayla what about meat eating?

    Leave a comment:


  • cori93437
    replied
    What is the right amount of hitting?
    How much is enough? How much is too much?

    How will you know if too much is even occurring if the child is too scared of the adult to report the bruising and marks by then?

    Only children get disciplined in this manner???
    In many cultures it's completely acceptable for men to discipline their wives for their poor choices as well...
    Including American culture until very recently(and still in some parts of the country, rural/poor areas where a blind eye is still commonly turned to such things).
    Pandora's Box indeed.

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  • MEversbergII
    replied
    I got beat as a kid growing up in the 90's / 2000's (really, until I left home in my early 20's). You name it, got hit by it probably. Even got a few permanent reminders we wont get into

    My first (younger, I'm eldest) brother's got a few stories as well. Wild times!

    Pretty much only the mother who did the beatings. When I was a kid, my dad believed in the spanking, but stopped once we were probably older than 8 or 9. My mother, however, disfavored spankings in favor of body or head blows. Got the point across real fast.

    Reasons ranged from legitimate waking her up in the middle of a nap to just her feeling like you deserved it.

    Early on, I think it had a negative impact on my self esteem (more so getting it just because, rather than getting it because of something) but I'd say it's what lead me to being the person I am today (currently the most successful of four kids).

    Interestingly, my parent's philosophy on physical punishment changed over the years. Physical punishments were consistent for my first brother and I, but my younger two siblings hardly got much (I was born late 80's, first brother early 90's, younger two siblings mid to late 90's) - I guess it went out of style in the mid 90's? Not sure. In any case, the lack of some kind of punishment for legitimate wrongdoing has put my 2nd sibling into some dire straits. That's a whole different kettle of worm-fish. I think it probably would of done them some good, but you can't change the past.

    As to whether or not I will strike my kids, I can't quite say. I'm a fairly mild mannered person, and thinking about the idea kind of makes me feel queasy. My S.O. is against the idea. We don't have any offspring (another kettle of worm-fish), so I can't say exactly how I'm going to act. People change.

    In short: I can't say as a blanket statement that hitting your kids is going to help or harm. People respond to stimuli in different ways. I responded relatively well, but who's to say it wont drive some other kid off the deep end?

    M.

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  • Ayla2010
    replied
    Originally posted by JoanieL View Post
    You can't simultaneously hit a child and teach him/her not to be a bully, unless that child is as big as you. Hitting children shows them that the people who are supposed to love them and keep them safe will also cause them pain. This is a particularly bad lesson to teach girls as they are usually the smaller adult in hetero couples when they become adults. As in: Daddy loved me and he hit me; hubby loves me and he hits me.

    If you hit another adult, they can have you arrested. If you hit an animal, the neighbors can have you arrested. This is not the case for children in most US states. Just another example of the view of children as property.
    Yes this.

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  • JoanieL
    replied
    You can't simultaneously hit a child and teach him/her not to be a bully, unless that child is as big as you. Hitting children shows them that the people who are supposed to love them and keep them safe will also cause them pain. This is a particularly bad lesson to teach girls as they are usually the smaller adult in hetero couples when they become adults. As in: Daddy loved me and he hit me; hubby loves me and he hits me.

    If you hit another adult, they can have you arrested. If you hit an animal, the neighbors can have you arrested. This is not the case for children in most US states. Just another example of the view of children as property.

    Leave a comment:


  • YogaBare
    replied
    Yup, got hit. My mum came from a very disciplinarian background. My older sister got it worse than me, but weirdly my younger brother only got hit once.

    I would like to think I would never hit my kids because it's completely traumatic if you're hit the way I was... but I prefer to think I won't have kids, ha

    Leave a comment:


  • Ayla2010
    replied
    Everyone is entitled to their opinion and how they parent their children. This is just another topic that people won't agree on.

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  • namelesswonder
    replied
    Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
    Respect is good and the foundation of my own philosophy of childhood violence. Children though quite regularly and habitually disrespect things to the point of inviting violence. When you do not handle the cat with tender attention, he swats you. People are of course, much crueler and more desperately hateful than cats.
    But in regards to people, you can only invite violence if one is taught to believe that violence is a solution, yes? To exaggerate the point you made, an abused cat will not just swipe at an irritating person (child), they will do much worse. The child should not have to experience that much just to learn the point. That would/could be traumatizing. For people, what might take a "swat" to a "beating" from an irritating child? I'm thinking of child-on-child violence, not parent/adult to child. I guess that's a little OT.

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  • Mr.Perfidy
    replied
    Respect is good and the foundation of my own philosophy of childhood violence. Children though quite regularly and habitually disrespect things to the point of inviting violence. When you do not handle the cat with tender attention, he swats you. People are of course, much crueler and more desperately hateful than cats.

    Leave a comment:


  • namelesswonder
    replied
    This topic has come up before & the thread got REALLY nasty and shut down. Please be really really careful. I hope people will make an effort to be respectful of other people's decisions/choices/experiences, but I doubt that they will.

    Whether or not you hit a child to enforce a point/behavior, it all comes down to (I think) teaching respect. My fiancé's father taught respect through actions and guidance. I think he might've been swatted more than once so that he would know exactly what he was doing to his friends. I remember being spanked a couple of times. The difference is, I was afraid of my father for a while (not until my teen years) because of the voice he would use when we was angry. My fiancé respected his parents and chose to be really sneaky about his misbehavior. His father chose to ignore it, that he could learn for himself what would happen (and he did). Respect for the father, respect for the son. My father did not show respect to me. I think even a smart-ass teenager deserves that, or they might not ever think they are ever worthy of respect.

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  • JudyCr
    replied
    I never got spanked by my parents because they brainwashed me into thinking it would hurt them so much if I did anything badly enough to warrant a spanking. It worked; I was a good girl.

    My grandma was from a different school. She would switch the backs of our legs if we did anything wrong. We would, in their words, 'cut up' at grandma's house, because we could, and they had a huge lake by their house that we would always sneak out to, and she would switch us all the way back up the hill to their house, but, on her behalf, she was afraid they'd 'fish us out from the bottom of the lake'!!!

    Didn't have any kids, just animals, and haven't had to spank them for anything, they been good loves.

    Leave a comment:


  • Mr.Perfidy
    replied
    Very interesting.

    Hitting is hitting. Violence is never OK.
    What about teaching them to hit, like martial arts instruction? Or a general atmosphere of voluntary rough-housing? Or letting the kids hit you?

    I encourage my wife to punch on me and don't see how it's the same as say, a drunk beating his 7 year old.

    And yes hit, with hands and other objects. BTW its now illegal in NZ to smack your children at all.
    Law is violence.

    What does it matter who does the hitting? Again violence is never OK.
    lol don't you feed your kid meat? Did you invite the animal to come marinate itself and get in the pan?

    Leave a comment:


  • Diana Renata
    replied
    I got spanked as a child when I REALLY messed up, or was defiant.

    I was never fearful of my parents. I learned respect, and that when they told me something it was for a reason.

    I will spank my children if I need to.

    Leave a comment:


  • EagleRiverDee
    replied
    I got spanked, with a belt, when I was growing up. I do not consider it abuse, and I think it did me some good. My parents were strict. I wasn't allowed to go in their bedroom or to use their stuff without permission. I had a set curfew. I would get grounded for breaking rules. I had an allowance- which I had to work for. If I got in trouble at school, I was in more trouble at home. I was taught to say "please" and "thank you" and to open doors for people. I do that to this day. When I got my first job, my parents made it clear that calling in sick wasn't an option and if I did call in sick they would roust me out of bed and make me work (for free) at home. I quickly learned that it was better to go to work and at least get paid for my work. To this day, I almost never miss work. I don't have kids, but I think it's a shame that society frowns on corporal punishment these days. I think it hamstrings parents in an important tool that can help children develop respect. And frankly there are some kids out there that desperately need a whuppin'.

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  • NZ primal Gwamma
    replied
    Mr perfidy Sir - yep I was given a couple of hand smacks around the lower leg as a child. Mum had 7 kids, all under 9 years old, so we learn't very young to do as we were told. Not because of the smack - it was more about the order of things. We were always given a warning thou - if you do that again........ We just didn't get our own way and the siblings would also suffer if one put a foot out of line....... ie Dad would pull the car over to the side of the road and wait for any nonsence to finish, and then we would continue our journey. When you have 9 people in a wee Morris Minor, or Hillman Hunter - you just learn pretty quick to toe the line, cos everyone gets pissy at you. However we were smacked for any major misdomeaners. Actually the biggest thing that scared me was the statement - wait till your father gets home !!!!!!!!!
    oh and I remember saying 'bloody' as a 8 year old. Mum of course heard me and I stood while she washed my mouth out with soap. We all knew that that was the consequence - so took the punishment !

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