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  • Zanna
    replied
    Well, there is a line between making things safe for your child to explore and removing their ability to assess danger / pain. Not talking about hitting a child, but going overboard on making a kid's learning environment completely soft.

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  • Ayla2010
    replied
    Smacking for putting something in a power socket?
    It is our responsibility as parents to make their environment safe so they can't hurt themselves while they are still too young to understand those kind of consequences.
    There is no need to say no to them every 2 mins, if we make it so they can explore.

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  • Ayla2010
    replied
    Hitting is hitting. Violence is never OK.
    And yes hit, with hands and other objects. BTW its now illegal in NZ to smack your children at all.

    What does it matter who does the hitting? Again violence is never OK.

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  • Primal Pamme
    replied
    Got hit

    Oh, yeah I got hit. I was a kid in the 60s and you were considered a bad parent if you didn't spank. My Dad had rules, though. He never hit us more than three times and never in anger. Most often we got 3 swats with a leather belt. The anger rule was really more for my Mom who would have hit us out of anger. There were times I wished I could get a spanking instead of having to stand still listening to his never ending drunken lectures. I never got a spanking that I didn't deserve, my Dad was always fair, always listened to us, and never beat us. It wasn't damaging for me to get spanked. I don't have nightmares, resentment or anger over it and I grew up to be a pretty gentle person.

    My Dad was very serious about no one else touching us. My sister got a spanking at school once and Dad threw a fit, because they did not have his permission to do it. She probably deserved whatever punishment she got, but my Dad was adamant that as the parent that was his decision to make.

    I did't get beat up by anyone except my older sister and that were much worse than the spankings. I never knew when it was coming and my parents never stuck up for me. Oh, she would get some slap on the wrist if they believed me over her, but nothing more. I felt powerless in that relationship. I don't talk to her anymore, because she is still a bully 40-some years later, although now I would win any physical altercation with her every time, well, any altercation I win. She just isn't worth the trouble anymore.


    I spanked my kids, too. Actually, you really couldn't call it a spanking. It was more of a loud pop on their behinds to get their attention when they were going to do something dangerous like stick a fork in a socket (DS was 3 and that was the last time I remember doing it). It was a very rare occurrence, so they paid attention. I never hit hard enough to hurt them. The shock of it got their attention and let them know how serious I was. Mostly, I figured I was the adult in the relationship and if I wasn't smart enough to figure out how to raise kids without violence, then maybe I shouldn't be raising kids. My parents were not happy about it and I often heard I should spank DS for doing whatever it was he was doing.


    My own son got a spanking in school once when in the 7th grade. When the principle called me to tell me, I asked him why he didn't call me first. He actually said he did not call, because he knew I would probably not support his decision to spank my son. I told him he was right and hung up. I just couldn't believe it. When I told DH, we had to physically stop him from driving to the school to beat up the principle. He did call the principle to give him a piece of his mind. DH is a psychologist, so I am sure the principle felt pretty small when he got off the phone.

    I was astounded to find out that in my state, Indiana, schools can spank. If a parent does not want them to spank her child, she has to have a letter put in the child's file stating this. I talked to the superintendent, told him a letter would be in my son's file the next day and he was on warning that if another adult touched my son I would sue. To make a point, we also put letters in our DD's files even though they were both in High School.

    The thing is, the principle lost in that encounter. DS lost any respect he had for the man, and he had very little respect for him already. The principle simply showed DS how little power he actually had in the situation. Normally the assistant principle was in charge of discipline and he was great. DS respected him and liked him. He was very effective, because he treated the kids with respect and consideration. He talked to them and listened to them. The AP went to a conference for a couple of weeks and the gym teacher stepped in. I kind of think he and the principle had a list of boys they thought deserved a spanking and weren't going to miss their chance to give all they spankings they had saved up. DS was "sick" until the AP returned.

    The moral is, if you have kids in school make sure you know what the laws are in your state.

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