Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Hitting your kids

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Mr.Perfidy
    started a topic Hitting your kids

    Hitting your kids

    Interestingly enough I was thinking about posting this issue last night, before reading that Gentle Parents thread...

    so let's have at it.

    Who got hit growing up and how?

    People who were hit by their parents: were you also hit by other children? Did you make a distinction between the two forms of force?

  • StephenHLi
    replied
    I was spanked. I believe it did some good and some bad.

    I do not feel corporal punishment is effective for all children nor do I feel it should be applied to any child. I believe spanking can be effective for certain types of children, likewise spanking can backfire when applied to another population of children. But as a parent, one will not be privy to which population your child will fall under. So my feeling is not to spank any child.

    I feel there are better ways to teach discipline, more proper ways to punish a child for doing something wrong.

    I do not like violence, and I am against senseless violence.....BUT if you are a teenager and or an adult and there are just some situations where spanking does not apply, but a good beat down is. There are just some types of douchebags out there who, no matter how hard you try and ignore them.....they just can't be helped (at that specific time and place) other than a good ass kicking.

    Sometimes violence is appropriate like in the case for self-defense, or protecting someone else. I do not encourage or promote acts of violence against fellow humans, animals, plants...but there are situations where violence is necessary.

    Leave a comment:


  • Theresa92
    replied
    Yes, I was hit when I was younger. I was also choked, shoved around, and pushed. As a result, I have anger issues to this day. All hitting taught me was that if you are stronger than someone, it's okay to hit them. I was hit by my father. His punishments only made me scared of him, and to this day I have personal problems in relationships. The way my mother punished me was by taking away things(like my games, making me go to bed early, etc.) ironically, it was my mothers punishments that always set me straight. My dads beatings just caused many, many problems that I suffer from to this day.

    If a parent can hit without any anger, then I don't think I quick swat on the behind is wrong. However, most parents are not able to separate their anger when they are mad at their children.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ayla2010
    replied
    Erin are you saying your sisters kids are like that purely due to no hitting? Are they just allowed to do what they want with no boundaries? How do they eat?
    Not hitting alone does not cause "naughty" children. There is way more involved.

    Mine aren't allowed just to do what they want, they have boundaries. They are not like that.

    Leave a comment:


  • ErinF
    replied
    I was spanked a lot as a kid and I never associated getting spanked with hitting or being hit. A spank was a spank, and someone hitting me was completely different.

    I had two other siblings that were spanked and none of us were violent in any way, nor did we act out at all. None of us would even think to hit another child or harm another person or animal. We were brought up to be very respectful of other people and were always polite. My mom was able to take us a lot of places because we wouldn't dare do something that might warrant a spanking. Even now I get compliments from people about how well behaved we were. I had another sibling come along 10 years later and she was not disciplined the same at all, she ended up being way more defiant and my parents seemed to have way less control over her (could be her personality, but we are practically twins in that aspect so I doubt it).

    My older sister raised her kids the exact opposite way we were raised and her children are little devils. They back-talk her all the time and are completely unpleasant to be around. They are constantly fighting each other and fighting their parents, I've seen them hit my sister on many occasions. They have absolutely no respect for their mother or anyone else for that matter. All 5 of her kids are this way, each one is worse than the last.

    Leave a comment:


  • Him
    replied
    Originally posted by zoebird View Post
    While I believe this is what those parents are thinking, I can also demonstrate through science (psychology and child development) that such is not the actual case. Try a google search and see.
    There is hard science supporting the idea that the animal neurological pain/response system evolved to facilitate learning safety-critical lessons.

    Apart from the whole MAO-A issue, is there really any hard science supporting the idea that deliberate activation of that part of our evolutionary heritage is harmful?

    I agree that for individuals with genetic MAOA deficiencies there is a solid scientific case for avoiding physical punishment. Outside that subset of the population, though, I haven't seen credible science showing harm, and I've looked.
    Last edited by Him; 02-13-2013, 07:16 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • paleodog
    replied
    I got hit and damn if I didn,t deserve it too sometimes. It got my attention and I behaved as a kid and I behave as an adult. It worked for me that's all I can say. Like all things in life reasonable care and balance are the keys

    Leave a comment:


  • magicmerl
    replied
    Originally posted by Uncephalized View Post
    Chaohinon, you are awesome. I have a man-crush on you after reading this thread.

    BUT forced-castration threats, even meant in jest, are not a good way to reinforce your point, here. Bad call.
    +1

    Leave a comment:


  • zoebird
    replied
    Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
    So what I'm saying is, maybe you are the one assigning this "so they obey" motivation to parents that hit, when in their mind, they are thinking, "because it's good for the child," as in the case of pulling teeth.
    While I believe this is what those parents are thinking, I can also demonstrate through science (psychology and child development) that such is not the actual case. Try a google search and see.

    Leave a comment:


  • zoebird
    replied
    No spankings or hit, had a good disciplined household, never really did or had any trouble growing up -- other than at school which was mostly bullying and what i consider "institutionalized abuse" which allows for and even creates environments of bullying.

    I have a young son. No spankings/hitting, and of course good discipline all around. It mostly just takes setting good boundaries and calmly keeping them.

    Leave a comment:


  • Him
    replied
    Originally posted by Ayla2010 View Post
    ... But as for your parents, I don't think they would have been doing it to cause you pain just so you will obey. ...
    Do you think punishment is "so you will obey"?

    My parents didn't have any concern over whether I obeyed or not. I can say this with some authority because we had exactly that discussion when I was young (well under 10) and I remember it. We used to joke about it even. It went something like this...

    Parent: "In the Marine Corps when someone tells you to jump, you JUMP and ask how high on the way up. So when I tell you to jump, what are you going to do?"

    Me: "Ask why."

    They actively encouraged me, in many ways, to challenge authority - including theirs - and think for myself. That's actually a great deal of why public school and I didn't get along too well... at home I was expected to challenge and to disagree when I thought someone was wrong, as long as I could articulate why, but at school it just doesn't go over well when the 3rd grader explains in detail why the teacher is wrong about something. At home that would be accepted as normal, at school it got my parents called in for special conferences.

    They didn't want obedience. They wanted my safety, both for myself and others.

    Physical punishment only came when I did something that acutely endangered myself or others, especially when that danger was one they knew I was aware of, and even more specifically when I couldn't justify doing so in a reasonable way. I avoided punishment several times not by following the rules or avoiding harm/danger, but by being able to articulate a reason for the action I took. If, on the other hand, I did something that could've gotten someone killed, and my reason was a mumbled, "I don't know...." Well, that wasn't going to work out in my favor. The "sin" wasn't disobedience, it was thoughtlessness. In other words, they were attempting (correctly, I in hindsight believe) to encourage judgment. Usually with words, but (perhaps because I did some things that by today's standards would have people really freaked out) sometimes they didn't think words were enough.

    Were they wrong? I'm happy with myself, I'm able to function in the business and social worlds fairly successfully, and I still have an independent streak several miles wide, so I think not.
    Last edited by Him; 02-12-2013, 04:01 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • JudyCr
    replied
    That was so traumatic, the thread and the doorknob..
    Scary yet exciting, money involved

    Leave a comment:


  • Mr.Perfidy
    replied
    for the record, now that I reflect on it, it's only my mom's father that I remember pulling my teeth, and he did it with bakery string and the bathroom door-knob.

    Leave a comment:


  • Mr.Perfidy
    replied
    So what I'm saying is, maybe you are the one assigning this "so they obey" motivation to parents that hit, when in their mind, they are thinking, "because it's good for the child," as in the case of pulling teeth.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ayla2010
    replied
    stop twisting my words.
    Pulling out loose teeth is not the same. I can't say I will do that myself. But as for your parents, I don't think they would have been doing it to cause you pain just so you will obey. So not the same.

    Leave a comment:

Working...
X